I finally decided to sit down and write this letter to you. I’ve been meaning to do it ever since you left us abruptly, but I could never bring myself to do it.
To begin with, I really have no idea what to begin with. In my entire 32 years of life you have been a pillar of support and strenght. I remember being your pet when I was little to crying in front of you recently when something had bothered me. You always told me to be strong and count my blessings.
There have been times when I hated you for shouting at me because I had a haircut. Or for telling me that I could do better in my studies. I never saw that you only meant for me to shine better as a person.
There were MANY times when I felt proud that you were my father — because you were always there for everyone around you. Be it your own brother and sisters and their families or your inlaws and their families. Every time anyone needed help or advice they always turned to you.
Even as May (my sis) called to tell me that she and mom were taking you to the hospital because you were feeling a little breathless, I continued watching television, for I knew it would just be a routine checkup and the doctor would send you back home saying it was due to strain.
Little did I, or for that matter anyone else at home know that you had had a ‘silent massive heart attack’ (as the doctor called it). And that the attack had caused a hole bang in the middle of your heart, which is a very rare thing and happens to one in a million. You were that one.
We hung on to hope that you’d soon come back with a certificate saying ‘fit to go home’. But no, the doctor said you had to be operated on. I will never forget the evening before the operation when you saw me, May and mom one after another. The scene is still fresh in my mind. Before I entered the ICU, mom told me that you were emotional and that I should control my self. I came in and saw you were behind an oxygen mask, trying to tell me that you were ok. Then, you began to weep. I tried hard to fight my tears. You told me to take care of the others if something went wrong. I told you I would and that you should not worry. And that you would walk out of the hospital fine. You nodded. I guess you felt a little relieved after hearing me say that I would take care of everything.
I wanted to wipe your tears and hold your hand, but I could’nt as we had been advised not to touch you due to fear of spreading infection. I regret not wiping your tears. 😦
After the surgery, you were under heavy sedation of the medecines and we could not talk to you, ever again. After 4 days of ups and downs, we lost you on 14th February. I remember mama called me into the ICU and told me you were gone. I held on to him and wept like a baby, loudly and for long. In the ICU I saw you lay still, eyes closed, the same eyes had spoken to me with a few days back.
Its been two weeks already.Life has been tough after you went. But we are trying to cope. I promise you I will always be there for mom and May. I will never let go no matter what.
I thank GOD for giving you as my dad. I learnt so many lessons from you, which have always helped me one way or another. I thank GOD that he did not let you suffer physically when you were in the hospital. I thank GOD that he gave you a good life.
I know you are somewhere happy and will read this somehow. Just want you to know that I LOVE YOU, will always cherish your memories in my heart and will always strive to make you proud.